"it" just moved
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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