Don't make out with my wife yet
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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