Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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