I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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