the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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