i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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