yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
