his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Watching her eat just hurts me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
