I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
how does that bad decision feel?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
