Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
