Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
