I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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