Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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