you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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