Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
