is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize