Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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