I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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