So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
