The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
