the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
