My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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