is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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