babies were throwing up all over the place
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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