I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
