Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
