We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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