We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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