i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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