I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
