threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
