I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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