Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
