Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
