Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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