Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
