a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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