I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
