my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
