Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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