so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
