yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
