i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
