Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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