Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize