I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
