Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
