No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
