I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
