I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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