my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
