Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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