This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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