Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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