I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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