We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
