i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
