He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
