dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
