Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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