There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
