U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
